Dudes,
I have received a secret report describing plans to use the Core for evil-doing. It involves somewhat lengthy preparations to infiltrate and move (!) the Core to a secure location. The plans were given to me by Informant X, who has graciously facilitated my cause for some time. The "secure location" is not clear to us at this time, although we're guessing it's somewhere outside the U.S., since Lindsay Lohan keeps buying up all the good underground bunkers. Maybe Iraq? Maybe they're planning on incinerating all of those weapons of mass destruction that they found over there by throwing them into the Core - similar to when Superman put all the world's nukes in a rope net and heaved them into the sun (Superman IV - The Quest for Peace - 1987). I really don't know - honestly - this secret report is like 1200 pages long. And they've encrypted a lot of the text to confuse outsiders. I still haven't figured out who the Muggles and the Hogwarts are, but I'm pretty sure Sirius Black is code for Dick Cheney. I'll give you guys an update soon.
-Justin
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Friday, February 04, 2005
To all of you who are unaware
I've heard from recent sources that word of the Core is getting around. Apparently there is a contingent of JMU alumni who knew me when I was an undergrad, but was not aware of my connection with the Core of D-Hall. This is not too surprising since I was initially reluctant to talk about my connection, having quite the advanced knowledge-base of all things Core.
But check this out - some of these people didn't even know that D-Hall had a Core! Can you imagine that? A whole group of people just wandering around campus, taking part in the daily ritual of eating D-Hall food, and never questioning why their meals had to be served in a giant circular building. Crazy. I mean, you can't tell me in your normal daily routine that you pass by a good number of circular buildings. Didn't you people watch Sesame Street when you were a kid? Don't you know when something is out of place? If I was walking down the street and casually looking at the buildings, I'd be like "rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rect-wait a sec-what the - circle?!"
Well, I guess I can't be too hard on these people. Some of them are my friends. And friends forgive each other. I forgive you all friends - except for those of you who still, after my detailed explanations of the Core, and my accounts of the many trips I took to the Core, still think I'm making the stuff up. To you, I say pppplllllllllhlhlhl!!!!!
With love,
Justin
But check this out - some of these people didn't even know that D-Hall had a Core! Can you imagine that? A whole group of people just wandering around campus, taking part in the daily ritual of eating D-Hall food, and never questioning why their meals had to be served in a giant circular building. Crazy. I mean, you can't tell me in your normal daily routine that you pass by a good number of circular buildings. Didn't you people watch Sesame Street when you were a kid? Don't you know when something is out of place? If I was walking down the street and casually looking at the buildings, I'd be like "rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rect-wait a sec-what the - circle?!"
Well, I guess I can't be too hard on these people. Some of them are my friends. And friends forgive each other. I forgive you all friends - except for those of you who still, after my detailed explanations of the Core, and my accounts of the many trips I took to the Core, still think I'm making the stuff up. To you, I say pppplllllllllhlhlhl!!!!!
With love,
Justin
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