Plans to Move the Core

Dudes,

I have received a secret report describing plans to use the Core for evil-doing. It involves somewhat lengthy preparations to infiltrate and move (!) the Core to a secure location. The plans were given to me by Informant X, who has graciously facilitated my cause for some time. The "secure location" is not clear to us at this time, although we're guessing it's somewhere outside the U.S., since Lindsay Lohan keeps buying up all the good underground bunkers. Maybe Iraq? Maybe they're planning on incinerating all of those weapons of mass destruction that they found over there by throwing them into the Core - similar to when Superman put all the world's nukes in a rope net and heaved them into the sun (Superman IV - The Quest for Peace - 1987). I really don't know - honestly - this secret report is like 1200 pages long. And they've encrypted a lot of the text to confuse outsiders. I still haven't figured out who the Muggles and the Hogwarts are, but I'm pretty sure Sirius Black is code for Dick Cheney. I'll give you guys an update soon.

-Justin