Totally fake

Fellow readers,
This entire blog is a hoax. The author of this blog has informed me that he made everything up. There is no gaseous ball of fire in the center of D-Hall. It is simply a circular building that serves as a dining hall. In the center is a room not unlike any other room in the facility. Sure there are laser char marks on the walls in that room, and a giant cylindrical pedestal made from plutonium...err..and a switchboard that rivals that used by NASA. But seriously. Who would think that a core existed there? I mean, I was just standing in that room and I saw no ball of fire. Now granted, I have blistering lesions covering my body and am in immense pain, but I also worked out yesterday for the first time in a few months, so I'm probably just sore. And, if there was a ball of fire there, how could they have gotten it out of there? Surely not by the 20 foot wide hole in the ceiling that mysteriously appeared last week and coincided with a campus-wide power loss. That's crazy. This Justin dude is out-of-his-mind. Wacko. Nuts. I love you. [I'm weeping]. Sniff.

Sincerely,
Gollum

Plans to Move the Core

Dudes,

I have received a secret report describing plans to use the Core for evil-doing. It involves somewhat lengthy preparations to infiltrate and move (!) the Core to a secure location. The plans were given to me by Informant X, who has graciously facilitated my cause for some time. The "secure location" is not clear to us at this time, although we're guessing it's somewhere outside the U.S., since Lindsay Lohan keeps buying up all the good underground bunkers. Maybe Iraq? Maybe they're planning on incinerating all of those weapons of mass destruction that they found over there by throwing them into the Core - similar to when Superman put all the world's nukes in a rope net and heaved them into the sun (Superman IV - The Quest for Peace - 1987). I really don't know - honestly - this secret report is like 1200 pages long. And they've encrypted a lot of the text to confuse outsiders. I still haven't figured out who the Muggles and the Hogwarts are, but I'm pretty sure Sirius Black is code for Dick Cheney. I'll give you guys an update soon.

-Justin

To all of you who are unaware

I've heard from recent sources that word of the Core is getting around. Apparently there is a contingent of JMU alumni who knew me when I was an undergrad, but was not aware of my connection with the Core of D-Hall. This is not too surprising since I was initially reluctant to talk about my connection, having quite the advanced knowledge-base of all things Core.

But check this out - some of these people didn't even know that D-Hall had a Core! Can you imagine that? A whole group of people just wandering around campus, taking part in the daily ritual of eating D-Hall food, and never questioning why their meals had to be served in a giant circular building. Crazy. I mean, you can't tell me in your normal daily routine that you pass by a good number of circular buildings. Didn't you people watch Sesame Street when you were a kid? Don't you know when something is out of place? If I was walking down the street and casually looking at the buildings, I'd be like "rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rectangle, rect-wait a sec-what the - circle?!"

Well, I guess I can't be too hard on these people. Some of them are my friends. And friends forgive each other. I forgive you all friends - except for those of you who still, after my detailed explanations of the Core, and my accounts of the many trips I took to the Core, still think I'm making the stuff up. To you, I say pppplllllllllhlhlhl!!!!!

With love,
Justin

The decoy center of D-Hall

Ok, some of you devoted readers have asked me, "hey Justin, how did you first find about the Core?"

The answer - I stumbled across it one day. I was having lunch one day at D-Hall back when I was in college at JMU, and I was marvelling at the thought of living in a world full of circular buildings. No sharp corners, no left or right turns - just a big spiral that brought you around and around until you couldn't go around anymore. At that point you're in the very center of the building. "What's in the very center of D-Hall?" I asked myself. So I went to check it out.

I walked into the kitchen, walked past the employee bathrooms, past the stock supply closets and finally came to a door. I opened the door just a crack, then a little more. Finally the door was wide open and I was looking at a circular courtyard with a few patchy spots of grass littered with cigarette butts. "Hmm," I said, "that's what's in the center of D-Hall". Pretty anticlimactic right? WRONG! I was dead wrong in fact. I had been led astray and was standing in a decoy courtyard that upon close inspection even had a fake blue sky painted on the ceiling. If you've ever seen "The Truman Show", you'd remember the scene at the end where Truman is drifting on a boat and the boat crashes into the edge of his universe (or the movie studio he's being filmed in). Just like that, I noticed a ladder painted in such a way that it blended into the side of the courtyard. The ladder led me out to the roof of D-Hall where I observed that I wasn't in the center of the building, but was about 20 feet away from the center. A healthy mixture of curiosity, background research, and talking to the right people led to my gradual accumulation of knowledge concerning the Core and its doings. Subsequent trips to the Core and its vicinity would follow.

Profile: The Duke Dog

Name: The Duke Dog
Age: forever young (x7)
Location: Harrisonburg, Virginia
Occupation: James Madison University mascot

Connection to The Core: The inner lining of the Duke Dog suit is composed of a type of nylon polymer that is resistant to radiation and heat released from the Core, allowing anyone dressed in the Duke Dog costume to remain in the Core vicinity for prolonged periods of time. However, the suit can only be used once for this purpose, as the cottony-felt outer lining portraying the features of the beloved dog are quickly burned off by the Core revealing the metallic-looking inner lining. Although the person inside the suit changes from year-to-year, the design of the suit never does, allowing anyone with limited knowledge to use it to carry out Core-dependent objectives. Only once, in September 1999, during half-time at Bridgeforth Stadium, did onlookers witness a metallic-looking creature resembling the Duke Dog running down the steps away from D-Hall. The suit was found 20 minutes later lying on the train tracks - its "rider" abandoned.

"Yeah I was dressed for the game, but I had been doing one-armed pushups with the cheerleaders during the incident. The suit that was found was my backup that I had placed in a locker behind the concession stand before the game. It wasn't me man" - Connor Michaelson (Duke Dog 1999-2000)

Why are you here?

hey kids,
Justin here - your authority on all things huge and gaseous inside circular buildings fronted by college dining halls. At the moment there's only one of these and it's referred to as D-Hall on the campus of James Madison University. Now let's get down to business. You came here for a reason and it's probably one of the following:

1. you have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge concerning the bizarre, the paranormal, or the unexplainable. Well let me direct you elsewhere because the Core is a real thing that can be explained using well-characterized properties of physics and not some hoky crap you saw on the X-files.

2. you are a friend or acquaintance of mine and you wasted time on Google trying to search for "Justin rules", "that funny kid Justin", or "that dude who kicks ass but isn't cocky", only to stumble across this blog. Well, if so, pull up a chair and have some popsicles handy because this is going to blow your socks off.

3. You hit the "Next Blog" button up on the top of this page. My recommendation to you is to keep hitting that button until you come across the blog where this guy tries to convince the readers that he's Quentin Tarantino writing to all his fans about what's happening in his life post-Kill Bill. It's fabulous. The readers either think it's a fake and voice their opinions strongly, or they totally think it's really him and defend him from the former readers with such conviction, you'd think they were getting paid. Totally ridiculawesome.

4. You seriously want to know more about the Core of D-Hall and how to stop the powers-that-be from destroying the Earth with its massive power. Read on my fellow brother-of-the-Core.

5. You seriously want to know more about the Core of D-Hall so you can aid in the Earth's destruction. To you, my enemy, I salute you and wish you luck in the battle against me and my stronghold of allies. I carry the scientists, judges, and politicians in my pocket like so many nickels and dimes. Capisco?

Signing off,
Justin

All's Quiet

September 6, 2004
03:37 am

Guards posted in the outer rim of D-Hall have reported no sign of aberrant activity in the last few hours. As today is the 1 year anniversary of the initial power surge that shook Rockingham county last year, authorities have been worried that retaliation by The Core might occur tonight.

So far so good.

However, the need for extra vigilance is still imperative, and we have increased the number of guards in and around Gibbons Hall by three-fold. We will have more updates throughout the night. Again, we would appreciate any information regarding unusual activity in the D-Hall/Commons area as it happens. Thank you for your help.

-JMU campus security

Profile: Pat Martin

Name: Patrick Stuart Martin
Age: 20
Location: Harrisonburg, Virginia
Occupation: Sophomore at James Madison University, major = ISAT
Connection to The Core: none yet, but has been under surveillance for the past 6 months due to the following:
1. record at Carrier Library shows he checked out 16 books on the topics of alternative energy, anarchism, and food service management
2. obtained blueprints and original building proposals of Gibbons Hall and Taylor Hall
3. was arrested in 2002 for breaking and entering the Piedmont Gas building in Greensboro, North Carolina- a circular building

"One of my friends dared me to go on top of the Piedmont Gas building. It seemed harmless - I didn't expect the roof door to be open. We were just messing around." - Pat Martin

D-Hall has a Core?

Yes Virginia, D-Hall has a Core.

Anyone who's ever been to JMU recognizes Gibbons Dining Facility, known as D-Hall to the students, faculty, and staff. This is because it is a large circular building sitting on top of a hill smack in the middle of campus. During the school year, thousands of people pass by the building and many students consume at least one meal there per day. But has anyone ever pondered what is in the middle of D-Hall? Last month, reporters from The Breeze set up shop at the entrance of D-Hall and asked the students what they thought was in the exact center of D-Hall. Here's what they had to say:

Jill Overton (Class of 2006): "There's probably an open courtyard or something where the cooks can smoke on their break."

Alex Timmons (Class of 2005): "I'm guessing it's just a circular room where they store food and supplies"

Kari Clemmons (Class of 2006): "I don't know. It's probably just the kitchen."

me (alumni, Class of 2000): "Are you kidding?! At the very center of D-Hall is a huge gaseous ball of fire that emits enough energy to power the entire world three times over. At this very moment very bad people are trying to destroy the Core and take over the world. How can you sit there asking me this when 100 feet away is a power so magnificent that to even gaze upon its brilliance for a millisecond would blind me, not to mention age me by 50 years?!?!


So there you have it. At the center of D-Hall is a huge gaseous core.

Profile: Allison Wheeler

The following is the first installment in a series of profile sketches pertaining to the Core of D-Hall.  This will be ongoing throughout the investigation of The Core.

Name:  Allison Wheeler
Age:  27
Location:  Arlington, Virginia
Occupation:  Director of Science and Technology, Justitech Industries
Connection to The Core:  Chief director of operations for project entitled "CRAP - Core Revitilization Advances Project" - an initiative to utilize the Core's energy to replace current power sources.

"We believe the Core holds power beyond our capacity of undertanding.  We have top notch scientists working on figuring out why this mass of energy exists in the center of a university dinging hall"
      - Allison Wheeler

Schumin and radioactive pulses from the core

The First Council on the Core of D-Hall met May 1, 2001 to discuss the growing concern that the core is expanding and presents an immediate threat to all of Rockingham County, Virginia. Present at that meeting was a man known as Schumin. The following link connects to his website and particularly a front entrance shot of D-Hall. Notice the clock above the entrance to D-Hall says 10:20 AM - this is the only time of day when radiation from the core is low enough to capture a photograph of D-Hall. Attempts to obtain pictures at any other time of day result in overexposure, or transmitter malfunction in the case of a digital camera. Schumin knew this.

The Schumin Web - Photography

D-Hall's Black Hole

From a newspaper article from January 8, 2003:

Suspicions had abounded that a black hole lay at the core of D-Hall, but visual sightings from a handful of people were thwarted by clouds of memory-erasing dust and gas that hang within the outer rim of D-Hall, also known as the "kitchen".  Scientists at Justitech have discovered that the core, weighing in at 3 million times the mass of the sun, is a starved black hole because when it flares, the intensity of the X-ray emission from its vicinity is relatively weak. 

Black holes are among the most powerful but enigmatic forces in the universe. They are believed to be caused by the death of massive stars that run out of fuel and collapse inwardly, creating a body of extremely intense gravity from which nothing, not even light, can escape.

However, some scientists believe some black holes may be created by non-stellar means, by large volumes of gas that arise from uneaten mashed potatoes and collect at the center of circular buildings and then collapse, becoming things of enormous mass but relatively tiny volumes.  "We hope to use the findings of the study to explain how the core increases in intensity and interacts with its environment," stated Justin McDonough in a related press conference, "In the meantime, we've sold the story to Paramount pictures who plan to release 'The Core' in theaters very soon".

http://www.thecoremovie.com

Death's Final Undoing

The following is a recorded transcript from a handheld tape recorder thought to be dictated by a man known only on the JMU campus as "Death".  The recorder was found lying on a picnic bench in Harrisonburg, Virginia's Purcell Park in October of 1998. 

"....The clanging in my head is unbearable and I can barely hold the pen to write down these thoughts.  What I have experienced the last few months is something I do not wish on any mortal soul; however, I have carried the burden of this knowledge for too long and it is time I told the appropriate people the events that are unfolding this very moment.  I have encountered a life force so expansive, that I...I..."

The rest of the tape contained static and garbled audio that is currently being encoded.  No one has seen or heard from Death since the fall of 1998.

 

A disruption of the status quo

On the snowy morning of February 5, 1996, bleary eyed students at Harrisonburg, Virginia's James Madison University trudged into their main dining facility, Gibbons Hall - a cylindrical shaped edifice lacking the sharp corners of the surrounding buildings and thus giving off an otherwise innocuous presence.  Tables and chairs lined the outermost circumference of the structure, and as you worked your way towards the center you reached the serving areas, followed by the kitchen.  Like all mornings, breakfast was served cafeteria style in the form of heaping quantities of yellow eggs, grits, Lucky Charms, and gallons of thick chocolate milk dispensed from rubbery plastic tubing. 

However, this particular morning, something was different.  Actually, 3 things were different.

1.  Jeannie Drummond, a part-time chef on duty that day since 6am, was not wearing her apron.  Under normal circumstances this was not something anyone would have noticed.  Except on this morning, Charlie Earnest was the on-site manager.  Charlie had been reprimanded twice in the past week by his superior, Mr. Lyons, for not tucking in his shirt.  In response to Mr. Lyons' bullying, Charlie took his anger out on his employees.  When Jeannie appeared with a tray of cream-of-wheat and no apron, he immediately went off on Jeannie asking her where she left her apron.  She would not say.  She could not say.  She was in shock.  Jeannie Drummond swayed backwards, dropped the tray of scalding cream-of-wheat, and fainted on the spot.  When she was revived she could not remember anything that happened that morning, only that she drove into work, put her apron on, and went into the restroom to wash her hands.

2.  At approximately 7:52am, the lights in Gibbons Hall flickered several times, causing freshman Joe Steiner to accidentally spill waffle mix on his shirt.  Upon entering the restroom to clean it off, the power went off completely and he was left standing for a good 30 seconds in the dark.  As he became adjusted to the dark, he noticed a greenish glow coming from the air vent in the ceiling.  Before he could go any closer, the lights came back on and Joe left the restroom - not quite sure of what he saw.

3.  The unofficial JMU chapter of SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence), which consisted at the time of geology major Alan Fairlawn and his roommate George Craig, woke up in their 4th floor room in Wampler Hall and noticed that the seismograph they constructed from used car parts had registered a small earthquake sometime during the night.  Because of the amateur crudeness of their machine, it wasn't uncommon for the machine to register a 6.0 on the Richter scale whenever the Marching Royal Dukes passed by outside, but the night had been particularly quiet. 

A little too quiet....